this is the end

It was so hard to get out of bed this morning. It always is when it's a rainy, dark day: dreary and depressing. I had to go to Womens Studies today to turn in my essay and complete a course evaluation. Government, we had a review session of sorts which was somewhat helpful. After class I went back to my room and watched tv, just lying in bed lazily. There's nothing better. Surprisingly I am not stressed out at all about my finals. I really only have two exams and they are both monday so I will be able to get them over with. Then I can go home anytime I want. My friends want me to stay all week... I can't imagine staying that long but I probably will stay until wednesday. Then I will have time to sell my books and maybe buy christmas presents. I'm pretty excited to go home. I haven't been able to play my guitar that much lately so I'm really looking forward to doing that. Honestly all I really want to do is be able to read whatever I want. I am really going to miss my friends here. I think that we really have a strong connection. I also have to say that I am really excited to see my mom, like beyond belief. Overall I'm pretty happy with my semester and the amount of work that I put into my classes so I am content with whatever may happen. This blog assignment was actually good for me. At home, I always tried to write down my thoughts as often as possible but I doubt that I would have found the time without some motivation. Looking over the entries I can say that I have no complaints, I would never change a thing.

dry your eyes on the wind

All I know is something like a bird within her sang, All I know she sang a little while and then flew on, Tell me all that you know, I'll show you snow and rain.If you hear that same sweet song again, will you know why? Anyone who sings a tune so sweet is passin' by, Laugh in the sunshine, sing, cry in the dark, fly through the night.Don't cry now, don't you cry, don't you cry anymore. Sleep in the stars, don't you cry, dry your eyes on the wind. All I know is something like a bird within her sang, All I know she sang a little while and then flew off, Tell me all that you know, I'll show you snow and rain.
Grateful Dead. I was writing an essay for women's studies and listening to music to guide my mind when that song came on. I don't even think that I was listening to it that much until the line: dry your eyes on the wind. Pretty magical line. I just wonder where artists come up with words like that, pure poetry. A lot of their songs are like that: Box of rain, Eyes of the world... I don't even know what those words mean but I like them. There's just something about the words that sends this amazing picture to the listener. or maybe it's just me. It would be more than likely that the band was high when they wrote those words but it doesn't make the song any less great. The song is something like 10 minutes long, I've listened to it twice in a row now, jsut listening to the jam style. You know, no two live performances by them were ever identical. That's innovation.

far past the frozen leaves

cast your dancing spell my way, i promise to go under it. then take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind, down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, the haunted frightened trees, out to the windy beach, far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky, with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves. Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my desk right now contemplating those magical lines. They hang on the wall by my computer. Not a day goes by that I do not read them. These are lines written by the poetic Bob Dylan. There is just something about these lines that captures my very soul, as if he read my mind from thirty years before my birth. Dylan's lyrics are the best parts of his work. Yes, his voice is unusual and calming, his guitar and harmonica skills are great, and he is nothing short of an icon but it is his words which are so inspiring.

two points for honesty

Good weekend. I guess it was really the last fun weekend before finals because I don't really know what will happen next weekend. It's pretty good. I only have two finals and they are both on Monday... two hours apart. For the rest of my classes, I have essays for my finals. I finished the rough draft for english today so I can focus on my Women's Studies essay now. I'm really not even sure how to write that essay but I guess I will just worry about that tomorrow. So I spent the whole day working on the english essay and now I am pretty exhausted. I hardly ever left my room but it was pretty much a cycle of people coming in to visit so the work process was a little slow. Friday I went to Santa Fe with a lot of friends which was a lot of fun. Saturday I went to Turtle. My two best friends here and I talked about life for a long time, just further bonding for us. I am really happy that I have them. I spend a lot of time with them, always going to the diner and hanging out and going out. My cousin's wedding was this weekend and I was a little mad that I didn't get to go but in a way I'm glad that I stayed here because I really did have a good weekend. I got a good amount of work done but still had a lot of fun. Right now I'm sitting in my room watching Harry Potter with my friends and just relaxing. This week could be rough with studying and reading and writing and everything.

sunset soon forgotten

>So I'm currently stranded in the lounge because my roommate's boyfriend is sleeping in my room. Lovely. But at least it gives me a chance to get some work done. I wrote a narrative/introduction for my argument paper. I'm not sure if it's too exaggerated or extreme though. Could it be considered a fallacy? Not sure. But I think that it's pretty good so I'm just going to roll with it. As soon as the heavy metal doors of the school slammed with a thud behind me, I could sense that something was different, something was missing. The last time that I was in this middle school, the halls were alive with excited children carrying instruments, humming or singing a new piece of music, hurrying to their next class. Bright posters and artwork covered the walls, advertising the upcoming band concert and the greatly anticipated spring musical of The Wizard of Oz. Faint echoes of classical pieces drifted from the band and chorus rooms and diffused a comforting sound throughout the halls. Peaking through open classroom doors, I saw teachers actively engaging students in innovative ways for the sole purpose of granting knowledge. Now, it was impossible to ignore that something had definitely changed. The excited children were replaced with instrument-less, robot-like beings, silently, methodically marching to class. Except for a few posters for a math club or debate team, the walls were bare. No music filled the halls and the hearts of the inhabitants. Where there once was creativity and laughter in the classrooms, there now is the drone of the youth obediently filling in the circles of a standardized test.

Fire and Rain

Interesting day I guess. My registration was today, 9:30. I actually got everything that I wanted! The whole thing was causing an obnoxious amount of stress for me all week and it feels so good now that it's over and I'm set. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have class at 10 but I'm done by 2, 1 and 12 respectively, which is pretty early. Then tuesday I don't have class until 12:30 and I'm done by 4:15. Thursday I start at 11 and I'm done at 4:15...still really good. I like having the option to sleep in or sleep after classes. Also, I get the most work done in the afternoon so this should work out. It took a lot of soul searching and consulting others for me to decide on what classes to take. I am taking an Anthropology class, I think that I will really like it. For my government major, I'm taking GVPT241 which is more of a political philosophy class so it's right up my alley, also I have to take micro-economics which will probably will be a little hard. I'm taking a nonlab science and I decided on Causes and Implications of Global Change because it combines all of the sciences and adds more social issues and politics. I decided to take Sociology because a few of my friends are taking it and we are going to be in the same section. Of course I'm also interested in the subject. I think that's it. It's 16 credits which is a step up from the fall but I'm sure that I can handle it. It's also going to be more lecturing and standardized tests where as my fall was smaller classes and a lot of writing. I'm sure that I can handle it and I'm actually pretty excited to start new classes.

new beginning

The nex two weeks are going to be awful. Have I said that already? Oh, well it's worth saying again. I really want to d omy best in every class but it's so hard to manage my time efficiently so that I can focus on each subject pretty much equally. The Thanksgiving break gave me a good amount of energy to allow me to figure out some sort of a plan. I really just need to spend the majority of my day doing work. It's just two weeks after all. So, after english today I went to the library to do some work which is where I am right now. I finished my government essay which is a good thing. It's exactly 8 pages and it's supposed to be 8-10 but I think that I said everything that needed to be said. I have to analyze Vogue magazine for Women's Studies which is actually a pretty cool project. Unfortunately, it's a group project and we do not really have a leader, at all. So we are a little bit disorganized but hopefully we will be able to pull it together soon. Another girl and I took the part where we have to explain the story of the magazine, not too bad, but it's a 372 page magazine. So we decided to split the magazine in half so that we each only had to focus on half of it. Unfortunately I took the more detailed, story filled half while she has most of the advertisements... but what can you do. Hopefully I will get more credit for doing more of the work. It doesn't really matter though. I just really want a good grade. I guess I have never really been that great with working with others but I have been working on it and I know that this project will turn out alright.

Box of Rain

Well I'm back in college park. It's hard to believe that I was gone, the whole weekend was kind of like a dream. I really like being home and talking with my parents just to get perspective, reevaluate my direction, or reaffirm my values. I slept really late today, well until 11 which was later than I planned. It was just such a rainy day in baltimore and my bed was just too comfortable to leave. When I finally did get up it was to my brother shouting through the door to sign a card for my dad's birthday. We decided to get him tickets to a Maryland basketball game because we know how much he loves it, even though the team hasn't really been good in forever. Today I looked at classes and scheduling for next semester because my registration date is wednesday!! Crazy, really, how time flies. I think I know what I want to do, I just hope that I get all of the classes that I want. I also got a big portion of my government essay done: 7 of 10 pages done. Not a bad start. I'll probably finish it tomorrow pretty easily. I'm feeling slightly stressed about the next two weeks but I know that if I plan things out right and manage my time efficiently, that I should be fine. The Ravens game was on and my family was watching it but I was more absorbed in my essay. My dad made a really amazing final dinner for us: steak, baked potatoes, a big salad, and broccoli. There is no way that you can get anything like that at the diner. In fact I've become a quasi-vegetarian at school because I just do not trust the meat at all, it's either fried or just unidentifiable. Not my style. We got back to college park around 9 and I dropped off my brother and friend at their respective dorms and then went to my sister's apartment to watch desperate housewives. I honestly do not even like that show but I kind of feel guilty for never hanging out with her so I felt that it was needed. I've been back in Elkton for a few hours now but I've just been unpacking and catching up with friends. It feels good to be back.

played in faded time

Once my head hit the pillow wednesday night, I was out, never stirring the whole night. The sun streaming through my east-facing window awoke me. I heard my parents talking in the kitchen. Noises tend to carry throughout my house making sleeping late almost impossible. I grabbed an overflowing cup of good coffee, something I missed at school, and helped my mom prepare some food. My family went to my aunt's house for Thanksgiving, which is just about an hour away. The food was absolutely amazing and I definitely ate more than my fill. We watched terps basketball as they played in the Old spice classic tournament. Surprisingly they won and they acually played great. Dave Neal was the player of the game which is shocking because of his performances last year. He hit like 3 three pointers, though his kay-ups need some improvement. You have to be able to make the easy ones. Overall the day was really relaxing. Friday I went to the Verizon store with my mom to get a new phone. It took 2 hours to get waited on and then I ended up having to get a really cheap horrible phone. Needless to say, it left me a little bit upset. That night, family came over my house to celebrate my dad's birthday. Another meal with really good food which is detrimental to my health but what can i do, it is the holiday season. It was good to catch up with family and talk to my cousin who is a freshman at Indiana. We were ableto compare lifestyles and academics and stuff. Around 9, my friend picked me up and we went to my best friend's house to hang out and catch up. It was a little bit anti-climactic, I guess I imagined everyone to be a little bit more excited to see everyone but oh well, it was still fun.

strange overtones

Tuesday night pretty much everyone had gone home. My friend Shannon wasn't leaving until wed afternoon so we hung out all night. We were with some other friends but it really was just a lazy night. Shannon and I ended up watching Titanic, which is a movie that I will always love, and then going to bed by 12. I woke up wednesday with pretty high expectations for what I would achieve. I got up early and went to the gym. Good start. I got back and wrote a government short essay and began notes for another essay. However, after that I pretty much lost all motivation. I wasn't going to be leaving campus until around 6:30 that night because my sister was working at the gym until 6. That meant that I pretty much just hung around my dorm room doing nothing all day. I ended up watching Pretty Woman which is one of my favorite movies and just relaxing. I guess I couldn't get any work done because i was so excited to go home. It had been so long since I had been home, at least over a month and even when I went home, it was only for one night. When I left my dorm building, I'm pretty sure that I was the absolute last one to leave the building besides the RAs. Pretty pathetic. I walked over to La Plata, where my brother lives, and waited outside in the cold for my sister to show up. She came right on time, always being the reliable one, but my brother strolled outside a few minutes late. Getting home was the most rewarding feeling. We missed all the traffic which was great. It was amazing to see the familiar landmarks of my hometown, to drive up the twisty wooded roads, to breathe clean, crisp country air. It seemed to be straight out of a movie, driving up to my house, with all of the lights on, beckoning you inside. No better feeling than coming home.

send me on my way

The last week of classes before thanksgiving break ended up being a bit of a joke. Monday I turned in my english essay which was quite a grievance and had a debate on gay marriage which went alright. I was going to go to the gym but I really did not have any motivation. I think that I was thinking that I would start working on my government essay but that did not work out. Of course, my guitar was sitting there and that's a temptation that I just can not resist. I did not go to math class but I looked at the book and did some problems. I have a test after the weekend but I'm not too worried about it. I can worry about it later. Instead I took my brother to the diner to get food and we talked for awhile. I've been out of touch with civilization pretty much all week because I lost my cell phone at the football game...this was probably a combination between there being so many people everywhere and it being incredible cold so I had to move around a lot. The game was pretty fun but a definite dissappointment. Monday night my friends and I went to Adeles to use up some diner points and then we pretty much had a dance party in my room to showtunes...yea, pretty absurd but a lot of fun. Tuesday I did not have any classes which was pretty nice. I slept somewhat late. I had to walk to CVS to pick up a magazine for a Women's Studies project but they ended up not even having the magazine, a huge waste of time. I then went to hornbake to watch some movies for class. After that, I killed time until UNIV started. I had to do my group project at 5 that night...it was the only reason that I stayed on campus as long as I did. We, however, did not get anything accomplished so it was another huge waste of time. We have to meet again next tuesday anyway so I really could have gone home earlier and been a lot happier.

The Vibes

This was a weekend that I was truly looking forward to, the last weekend at school before thanksgiving, the last weekend before I really had to start worrying about finals. I intended to live this time up for all that it was worth. It turned out to be a weekend that, instead of making me want to stay at school, is making me want to go home even more. It was a rough weekend. Friday had a lot of potential. I was invited to go with my friend to his frat's semi-formal. I was pretty excited about it because a few of my friends were also going and I know a lot of people in the fraternity. It started out really fun but the end of the night was just plain awful. When I got back to the dorm, my friend Shannon and I ordered DP Dough and watched Breakfast at Tiffany's just to make ourselves feel better. I slept late into Saturday and did a little bit of work but mostly just watched TV. Saturday night was the football game. It was incredibly cold but I wore a lot of layers. It ended up being a lot of fun but...I lost my phone at the game. It was no where to be found. Completely lost. Gone. I've been calling people all day about it and emailing but i'm assuming that everything was closed today since it was Sunday. I didn'e even feel like going out last night because I was so upset about my phone. I just hung out with some friends but we really didn't do anything. I just feel that I might have been better off just going to sleep. I was pretty happy that my roommate went to visit her boyfriend all day because I really just wanted to get work done alone. It was a really relaxing day and I could do whatever I wanted without having to worry about anyone. I definitely was getting some bad vibes before this weekend even began but what can you do? The weekend wasn't all bad, though I am leaving out some of the worst details, I just think that I am really tired of all of this. I need a break. Just a few more days.

Bittersweet Symphony

Right now I am sitting in the lounge listening to one of the the most monumental songs of my lifetime...Bittersweet Symphony. There is just something so amazing about this song that just makes me stop everything. It just gives you goosebumps Is it weird that I would definitely walk down the aisle to this song? Yeaaaa. Oh and now Champagne Supernova is playing and everyone is quietly singing it while they work. Not that I can really say that I am working. Guitar solo. "Where were you while we were getting high?" This blog is turning out to be a conglomerate of a lot of random thoughts. Alright so now my friend is playing some really trippy song. It's a little emo but pretty sick.

So today was a normal thrusday. In my government lecture of 300 my professor walked right up to me and asked a very philosophical, vague question. I couldn't imagine what she wanted me to say so it turned into a few awkward moments of 600 eyes directed at me. Lovely. I took my brother to lunch again today so it seems that it's going to be a scheduled thing. I went to dinner with my friends and met with Jeb, my brother's roommate, who is pretty much my favorite person. So now I'm in the lounge kind of doing work but not really not at all. Really I'm just listening to music and, well, blogging is always a good way to procrastinate.

steady as she goes

Hmm lets see what happened today. It was a really beautiful, cold day. Yesterday was very cold with a strong wind which ripped right through you. It flurried off and on which was pretty and gives hope that it may actually snow this winter. For some reason when it snows it seems colder. Maybe because you are so enraptured by the falling flurries that you forget how cold you are. Today was pleasant: a blue and cloudy sky. It was definitely cold but walking in the sun made everything ok. Between math and english today, I got a good amount of work done for my essay and I am mostly done but I still need to write a good introduction and conclusion. I actually went to math today though I really did not want to. I guess it was good that I went because I have an exam right after the thanksgiving break. I came back and did a lot of work but there were distractions everywhere. My roommate insisted upon watching tv even though she claimed that she wanted to get a lot of work done. So I went to the lounge and was content until this very loud girl came in with a friend and 'studied.' It drives me crazy, there really is no quiet place to do work. I even get distracted in the library because there are so many people around. After an hour of trying to write I went to dinner with a huge group from my floor. We went to get the turkey dinner from the diner, which wasn't really that great but at least put me in the thanksgiving mood. I probably ate too much but it's ok. I've been working in various friends' rooms who are studying because I really can't study in my own. My roommate is talking to her boyfriend on the phone or watching tv or talking or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommate but sometimes you just need to get away. So I'm currently in my friends' room doing homework, a lot of reading tonight which is a pain. It's hard to believe that tomorrow is already thursday.

my better half

After math today I took my brother to lunch. He sprained his ankle and broke his heel I think so he's on crutches. He can't hold hold the tray and get food for himself at the diner so I have been helping him out when I can. I also pay for his food because I'm pretty sure that he's out of points already and I am struggling to get rid of my points. I'm sure that he feels bad asking his friends to help him all of the time so I'm happy to help. It's not even just because we're family so I should feel obligated, I just really want to help him out. His roommate, who is also one of his good friends, has been helping him out a lot. He's a good guy We sat and talked for a long time about basketball and his fraternity and classes. We both are hard core basketball fans and will analyze every Maryland game. My brother knows a whole lot about sports, I always go to him whenever I have a question. I really like being able to see my brother a lot at school. We always have been really close, pretty much since birth, especially since he's only 13 months older than me. A lot of people who know both of us will say that we are exactly the same person. I don't deny it. I mean we have our differences but I think that we form complements that fit together. In high school, we had a lot of the same friends and now, in college, the trend is continuing. His frat is having a semi-formal and he's taking one of my friends, one of his frat brothers is taking me, and another brother is taking another one of my friends. Some of the guys that I was friends with in high school decided to join my brother's frat so we now have even more common friends. So yea our lives are pretty intertwined but I wouldn't have it any other way.

sign of the times

I have been really conflicted about my direction in college. I mean I know that I have a lot of time to decide what I want to do in life but I'm wondering how I am going to decide on a career path when I can not even decide what courses to take next semester. I've been playing around a lot with the Venus schedule thing and I realized that it is not possible for me to take all of the classes that I want to take. I really want to take an Anthropology course next semester. I went to an advisor earlier and asked a lot of questions and it seems like something that I would like to look into. Unfortunately I will not be able to take ANTH240 next semester because it conflicts with the economics class that I have to take to be in the government major. This just figures really... the two subjects that I am torn between conflict immediately. I could wait until the fall to take anthropology but I have a problem. In order to double degree I would have to decide on the second degree by the end of the spring semester in order to stay on track...so should I take the anthropology class and hold off on the economics until the fall? I have no idea. I'm not a terribly superstitious person but on my welcome screen for the internet an article popped up about finding the oldest example of a nuclear family... was this a sign to take anthropology? Maybe.
To be honest I don't know what will make me happiest in life. I was talking with my brother today at lunch about jobs and majors and stuff. I told him that truthfully the place that I could really see myself is owning a little shop or my own business... maybe my college career is really just for the experiences. I don't know. I'm just speculating. As far as next semester goes, I really shouldn't take it too seriously. Whether I double degree or double major or whatever, it does't matter as long as I choose subjects that will genuinely make me happy instead of majors that will provide the greatest possible monetary gain.

killing time

After the football game yesterday I was pretty wet and cold and overall wasn't feeling that great. That's always the problem, no matter how much I love the rain, there's no way that I would ever want to stay in it for too long. Collectively my friends and I decided to stay in last night. It just hardly seemed woth it to get all dressed up to go and get rained on plus I think that we were all pretty tired. My parents took me out to dinner and we went to Atlanta Bread Company which was alright, but too reminiscent of the sandwiches of the diner for my own liking. I came back to find my friends and we watched the movie Clue and ate popcorn and just relaxed. My roommate's boyfriend came to stay so it was good to see him again. After the movie we watched some Saturday Night Live and later watched the beginning of Pulp Fiction. I had never seen it before so I really wanted to see it .Unfortunately I fell asleep within like 15 minutes but I did manage to periodially wake up at some of the most disturing parts. Yeah. I don't know, hopefully we can finish it today sometime. I guess I went to bed around 2 which felt really good considering I usually would not have gone to bed until a lot later. It was really nice to just stay in for a saturday night for once and just relax. I hope that I can do it more often. For me I get no real rise out of going out all of the time. It gets really expensive and you always wake up feeling incredibly tired. Then you spend the whole day kind of doing work but mostly just resting. But today I actually have been pretty productive. I slept relatively late but I got up and got a lot of homework done so I'm pretty happy about that. I might go to the gym later but maybe not. I feel realtively caught up with sleep though so I should get a lot done today regardless.

Any way the wind blows

It is hard to believe that is it the middle of November right now. Just a week and a half until Thanksgiving and then two or three weeks after that until Winter Break. It's really crazy. This semester has gone by so fast I don't evenreally know what to say. I feel like my life is moving way too fast for me to actually stop and enjoy it. I wish that just for a moment I could stop the ever moving sands of time. Wishful thinking. I want to enjoy every aspect of my life, embrace the changes, spend time thinking. You should always stop and take time to appreciate the world around you. Life is too short not to. I love November: the leaves are changing, the weather is cool, the wind is captivating. I guess I just want time to stop and enjoy it. Yesterday encompassed my favorite kind of weather. I walked out the door only to be embraced by a warm wind which arises before a storm. It was the calm before the storm. The clouds moved so quickly and were a smoky blue-grey. They were the fluffy and yet ominous clouds of rain. It started to rain right before the game but it pretty much jsut cam and went throughout. It was a cold and yet almost pleasant rain. At the football game, I may have spent more time staring at the clouds than at the actual football players. That's how easily I get distracted by my surroundings. I took some awesome pictures of the sky though and, right before halftime, a rainbow appeared above the stadium. I think that it was an appropriate sign considering the outcome of the game.

"They say it's your birthday..."

There is just something about celebrating birthdays that always gets me excited. Maybe it's the cake and icecream, or giving presents, or just the all out joyfulness. I really enjoy other people's birthdays more than my own. Yesterday was my friend, Sara's birthday. My two friends, Jen and Shannon, and I went all out. Tuesday we went to Target to pick up some things and we had to be pretty secretive and make sure that she wouldn't know why we were gone. So Thursday we blew up like 25 balloons which covered the floor of her room. We also hung streamers all over and created a curtain by the door. We got her chocolate and a bunch of random things along with a birthday crown. We knew that she would be back around 5 so we sat in her room and waited to surprise her. A few minuted before 5 I wanted to run to my room to grab my camera but on my way back I see Sara coming up from the stairs. I am notorious for smiling whenever I am lying so it was really hard for me to not completely ruin it. I got someone to distract her for a minute while I ran back to her room. I would say that she actualy was pretty surprised and shocked that we would go through so much trouble. For dinner we went to a hookah lounge for some hookah and good Persian food. After that, we came back to our floor and hung out until pretty late, just eating chocolate cake. I think that we made her birthday pretty special. There are a lot of birthdays this weekend.. tomorrow is one of my good friend's birthday so I'm going to try to see him tonight.

one crowded hour

I'm not sure if this is true or at all makes sense but I feel as if the mediation from yesterday had an incredibly postive effect on my day today. I woke up feeling rested, which is unusual for me since I usually have trouble falling asleep due to my mind racing over different issues. Last night I slept soundly. I did my math homework at breakfast and actually understood it. Feeling really motivated, after english I went to the gym. I had a really good work out, I felt like I could run forever and I pretty much did. I lost track of time. I came back to my dorm to find that my roommate was still in bed. It was kind of funny thinking about how much I had accomplished in the morning while she slept. I had a math quiz today and there is no doubt that I did pretty well on it, which is unusual because I have no talent or drive when it comes to math. All day I have felt that I could see clearly, that my mind was open. My thoughts were actually organized and not as sporadic and I accomplished a lot homework wise. Maybe I should look into meditating more often. Recently I have been really into different spiritual outlooks and methods of getting closer to oneself. I am eager to explore what else is out there, what will give me the greatest satisfaction, the greatest clarity.

Sleeping beneath an orange sky

I never really like Tuesdays. I'm sure that I have said this at least once before. But today was actually really enjoyable. I started off with Women's Studies. I got an essay back and I got a 90% which I'm really happy about. I was supposed to have another essay due next tuesday but my teacher decided to cancel the essay... really good news. I've been trying to start this essay for a while now but just couldn't find the right words. I guess I don't have to worry about it anymore! I, of course, still have to know the information for a culminating essay at the end of the semester but I guess for now, I'm in the clear. I had a Government exam right after that class. I had been studying for this test for at least a week prior so I felt that I was pretty prepared. I reviewed my notes last night and was ready to go. But then someone from my floor needed a lot of help studying for the test and she was pretty much breaking down emotionally. So I decided to help her even though it was pretty late. She stressed me out a little bit but I guess overall it helped me out because trying to teach someone material is the highest stage of testing your understanding. So yea the government test went really well for me. I had UNIV later and I really still just find that class a waste of time but I really have no say in the matter.

At 6, three of my friends and I decided to go to a meditation class in the ERC. I have meditated before, or at least have made attempts through yoga and books, but this was absolutely amazing. I would consider myself a pretty spiritual person, not reliegious at all however. I have always had an interest in the theory behind mediation. The class was close to an hour long, an hour of complete silence, reflection. It was truly enlightening. It's a separation of the mind from the surrounding world and a connection between the mind and body. I highly recommend it.

After meditation I met with my dad, brother, sister, and friend to go out to dinner. My dad was here all day to help my brother get around campus because he broke his heel and is on crutches. It was good to see my dad and get a chance to talk to him. I had greek food and ate way too much but it was so good.

somewhere only we know

So today was kind of hard. A year ago today my grandfather passed away. The year leading up to his passing was a very difficult one for my family and affected me more than I can even say. So today served as a memorium to the struggle that we all went through. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. The events that passed left my grandmother and me somewhat estranged and distant. It was as if there was a deep canyon, an enormous space between us that we both recognized but neither wished to address. I'm being pretty honest right now for I really don't ever talk about this. I'm sure that she made advances to reduce the gap but I guess I wasn't really ready. I've thought a lot about everything lately and realized my mistakes. Today I called her to let her know that I was thinking about her. It's a good step in the right direction.

I guess you could say that I was somewhat in mourning today or really I just spent the whole day in remembrance. Despite my reserved disposition, I still managed to be brightened by the magnificance of life. I am generally happy where I am right now. There is nothing that I would change about my present situation. I love that my friends from home and school can cheer me up when I'm feeling down by just being themselves, I love that we are right in the middle of the most beautiful season and surrounded by the most vibrant shades of yellow, red, and orange, I love everything that I get to experience. It's funny that I feel no shame in opening up my mind and soul for this blog. I guess that it's just comfortable.

To everything there is a season

Well I spent the day at my house today and I am completely rested. I went to bed last night before the winner of the election was announced so when I walked into the kitchen this morning to see Obama all over the newspaper, it was news to me. I spent the morning reading the newspaper from front to back, something that I never have time to do at school. I started doing homework around 10 and, with a few breaks, didn't stop until 4. I got a lot done. I had to do a "dream job" project for UNIV and, because I'm not all too sure about my direction in life, I chose my dream job to be a lawyer. For me, it's an option but I'm not sure if it's the right choice for me... not that I at all need to know right now what I want to do. The project did make me think though, which I guess was it's purpose. I would really like to have an internship this summer but I'm not sure if it will be possible. A lot of the internships that I found wanted sophomores at the very least and not many were paying. It just seems that I don't at this time have the qualifications for an internship right now but I'll see what I can do. Maybe I'll go to the Career Center to get some advice. Otherwise today I listened to music and went outside to enjoy the season. My mom took me to Starbucks and the grocery store just to get out of the house since I was stranded there all day without a car. I think that I really needed this break from school in order to appreciate everything that college has to offer. Sometimes you just need to stop and take it all in. I have been told time and time again that college will be the best years of my life. I know this and so far I am having an amazing time but nevertheless the break was needed.
It was really good to spend some time with my parents these past few days. I am really close with both of them and I missed just being able to sit down and talk over dinner. We discussed the election results and school and life. I can't really say that I have anything like that at school, people that listen to my thoughts unconditionally without judgement. It's something that I really appreciate. I guess that I am ready to go back to school tomorrow. Tomorrow will be rough though... my dad works down toward College Park but he leaves my house around 5 every morning which means that I will have to wake up around 4:30...great. I should be back to my dorm by 6:30ish so I can go sleep for two hours and then wake up to go to class all day. I have a short break in the middle of the day... maybe I'll sleep on the mall or something. Later tomorrow night, though, I'm going with my friends to meditate and then we are getting Indian food so that will definitely be something to look forward to!

"You say you want a revolution...

...well you know, well we all want to change the world."
Today is Election Day. I have to say that I was pretty excited to vote especially since it was my first time. I had class at 9:30 so I decided to get up early so that I didn't have to wait too long and still get to class on time. Yeah... I woke up at 7... after going to bed at 2. I meant to get more sleep but I was with a group of people in my friend's room until pretty late so it just didn't really work out. So I went to bed way after my roommate and got up way before her. It's like I was never there. Anyway, voting was cool. I only had to wait in line for like 20 minutes and they gave people food which was nice. Honestly I had a really hard time deciding who to vote for. I thought that I had it all figured out a month ago but the economy's downturn threw me for a loop. I'm registered an Independent but I had a definite leaning inclination for one side for this election. So for all of October I was completely lost in the middle. I find it hard to pick one person, one party to represent all of my ideals...it just is never going to happen and I honestly don't understand how anyone can do it. For me, it was about picking the lesser of two evils. And in a way I believe in the the Who's song We won't get fooled again... "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." How much will change? How will my life be affected? My opinions fall on both sides, it's hard to decide which issues are the most important. I really did a lot of research on the candidates, on the platforms and I listened cautiously to the media. To be honest I was still going back and forth until last night... I decided. So yes it was rewarding to let my voice be heard.

I came home today after class. My sister and brother were still registered at home so we drove home for them to vote. I just wanted to tag along for a good dinner and rest. I decided to stay the night, have all Wednesday to work, spend the night again on Wed., and then have my dad drive me back to College Park Thursday morning on his way to work. I figured that I would be able to get a good amount of work done at home as opposed to trying to work in my dorm with all of the distractions of friends, the gym, etc. This week is a relatively easy week but I have a lot of things that are due next Tuesday so I'm going to try and get some work done to prepare for that. Since I don't have english wednesday or math, I am actually able to do this. It's not like I would actually skip that many classes. It feels really good to be home. I am completely relaxed. It's weird, I definitely thought that I would have come home more than I did... really I've only been home once and only for one night like a month ago. There surely have been times when all that I wanted to do was come home but most of the time I was glad that I stayed. So now my brother and sister have already gone back to school and I am sitting in my family room with my parents watching the election coverage on tv. I probably will stay up late to see the results and get some work done. It was a good day.

Stay This Way Forever

It's Sunday night and I can say that I am completely content with everything. Last week was kind of tough. I had a good amount of assignments due so it was a sem-stressful week. I was looking forward to this weekend to relieve some stress, get some work done, just relax. This weekend was good, really good. Friday was Halloween and it was surely an interesting evening. My brother's Frat had a party so my friends and I went there. There were a lot of interesting costumes, most were completely over the top. Saturday I woke up and went to the diner and noticed what a beautiful day it was. Seriously, after the wind and cold of last week, Saturday was a surprisingly nice day. It was sunny and warm with a slight breeze. So, to appreciate it I read outside for awhile, just leaning up against a tree. There's really nothing better. Later I watched a movie, Say Anything, with my friend Shannon. It was a great day to just sit around and do nothing. It was my friend's birthday on Saturday too so we went to a concert to celebrate. It was a lot of fun. I'm so happy that it was daylight savings time though so I could get an extra hour of sleep. Today was a really good day. My friends Sara and Shannon and I decided to go to this Indian restaurant in Langley Park and then go to a few thrift stores. The busses weren't running so we decided to walk.... it was something like 1.5 miles. Langley Park isn't the greatest area so it was an interesting walk. The food was amazing... I love multi-cultural food, just anything different, exotic, unusual. It was a great break from the boring diner food. I just get so tired of not having any spice in food. At home, my dad made some of the best food, always spicy and flavorful...I really miss it. Anyway the thrift store was pretty cool though I didn't end up getting anything. I really didn't have too much homework to do this weekend which was really good. I wrote a short essay for Women's Studies and I have just been studying Government a little bit, nothing big. Overall it was a really good day and a really good weekend. Couldn't everyday be like this?

Tangerine

Strangely interesting weekend. Friday I probably should have been doing work but it didn't really work out. I watched a movie with friends instead. That night a bunch of friends and I went to my friend's apartment. We got a ride there but none of us were really thinking of how we would get back. This apartment was by the IHOP, it was a rainy, wet night but walking seemed like a good option. It was an incredibly long walk. Later we mapquested it and saw that it was 2.5 miles to the View where we got a bus to go back home...it was a long walk. Quite an interesting night. The football game against NC State was an awesome experience. It was wet and slightly cold and really started to pour by the end of the first quarter but it still was a lot of fun. As usual, I stood in the first row and got completely into the game. My friend, who is really into football, stood right behind me and pretty much was my commentator for the game, giving a play by play analysis. Saturday my sister had a halloween party. I brought a few of my friends and my brother was there with a few of his. It ended up being a lot of fun. I went as a hippie... a completely last minute option but I went all out. When I got there my sister and brother took one look at me and said something like, wow, you do know that you were supposed to dress up?... apparently they think that I am a hippie...yea that's probably true. Nevertheless my costume was an extreme exaggeration of what I would normally wear so it worked out. Today I hardly left my room. All day I sat at my desk doing homework when all I wanted to do was sit outside. By the time I finished everything, the sun had set. Hopefully tomorrow will be like today weather wise and I can go out to enjoy it.

Promising Light

So I'm sitting at my desk right now and, as hard as I try, I can not get my brain to focus on one thing right now. The english essay is due monday and I have all of my research done and an outline planned basically in my head, I just need to start writing, which is truly easier said than done. I have a good amount of reading to do for women's studies which I've been looking at and a math test to study for. The game is in an hour and a half and it should be a fun one. I have a friend who gets there early to get the front row and he always saves me and my friends spots so we get the best seats. There's nothing better than being up front and completely engaged in the game. It's a grey, rainy day, not terribly cold, but miserable, nonetheless. Not the best weather to go out in when you are recovering from being sick but the game is well worth it. It's hard to concentrate on work when I keep thinking about the game and plans for the night. I know that I have work to do and yet I am procrastinating hardcore, hence why I'm writing a blog right now.
I was looking at my grades and realized that I have all A's right now...except for english with a Satisfactory. That 'S' which appears next to English 101 is very elusive. What does it mean really? There are just so many degrees of Satisfactory that I really have no way of gaging how I am doing. I mean I definitely do all of my work for the class and I did fine on the essay but I really just kind of want to know exactly how I am doing.
I'm pretty proud of myself though because I got a 94% on my first Government100 test which, hopefully, will set the tone for the rest of the tests for the class. Now I know my professor's style of making tests and I know my TA's style of grading and I know exactly how to study to prepare for the tests so there really is no reason why I shouldn't do even better on the next test. We shall see. I have to get a B in the class to stay in the Government and Politics major and I'm thinking that I should be able to do that without any real problem, though I was pretty worried before. I'm not even sure if I want to stay in this major but if I'm going to leave it, I want to leave by my own free will as opposed to being kicked out. Government is a pragmatic choice for a major, especially if I choose to go to law school after college but as something that I would be doing for the rest of my life, I'm not so sure. I met with the Anthropology advisor a few weeks ago and he was really helpful. I think that I'm going to take a class in the subject next semester to see if I really like it but right now, it seems to be a definite possibility. I can double major pretty easily, and my advisor suggests double degreeing, but this would involve me deciding on majors very soon...no pressure, it's just something that could determine the path for the rest of my life. I feel like Government is a pragamtic choice but I need a major that will make me happy, I think Anthropology or maybe Philosophy could fulfill that need. I've got some time to decide obviously and I really just need to take classes in a wide array of subjects so that I can make an existential choice. I need to do some serious soul searching.

Over the Hills and Far Away

I've heard it all before, time and time again. Sometimes I am just completely in my own world, over the hills and far away. Living in my head, consumed by my own thoughts, a little spacey. At home, I could go off by myself, to my room, to sit under a tree, to think through my thoughts or reflect, meditate. I guess since I am living in such close quarters with people and I am constantly around someone, I can't really hide this fact about myself. Just today I was walking with two friends to the in-con to pick up some things and I looked up to see a tree, framed by a sky blue sky, filled with the most vibrantly red fruit. Brown birds flew around the branches, eating the fruit, singing to one another. I couldn't help but stop for a moment and smile, meditate on the scene. I guess I forgot that I was engaged in a conversation at the time as my friends stopped to stare in amusement at my behavior. I didn't even notice until they started to mock me; of course, all in good fun. Other times I'll be in my floor's lounge doing homework or talking with people and all of a sudden I'll just stare off into space for a while and smile or have a quizzical expression. Someone always asks me what I'm thinking about. Most of the time it has nothing to do with what's going on, and usually it's something that I wouldn't dream of sharing; they are, after all, my own thoughts. My friend always tries to catch me when I'm thinking, he finds it entertaining, I find it natural. There was a trail which wound its way through a patch of woods near my house. I used to run on the trail frequently but it wasn't uncommon for me to wander off into the depths of the woods when passion inspired me. I guess that this is what led to my connection to Thoreau. I'm not sure why I feel emboldened to write this. It just seems to be another one of my random thoughts.

Free Falling

Mid-October and it's truly beginning to feel like autumn. It is to the point where you can wear long sleeves and jeans and maybe a sweatshirt to be comfortable outside. The leaves are still mostly green but have a mixture of the reds, yellows, oranges, browns that characterize the season. By far autumn is my favorite season. The temperature is perfect and the colors of the scenery capture my feelings. My room at home, as a manifestation of my personality, is inspired by this season. Unfortunately, with every change of season I manage to get sick which is bad but I'm sure it will pass. Right now I'm rocking the raspy voice and cough which make singing nearly impossible.
I don't really know what to say right now about school. A large part of me is having a great time with college, all of the freedom and studying subjects that are interesting. But, I miss home and it's lazier ways. I guess I'm a little overwhelmed with all of the work and trying to still emphasize a social life. I just really want to be able to play my guitar and write and read and breathe just for a minute. I wish that I could just do the things that I love all of the time. I'm sure that that is a typical desire, but not at all realistic.

Rhetorical Journal Assignment #2

http://www.jstor.org/stable/3398883?&Search=yes&term=music&term=budget&term=students&term=effects&term=education&term=cuts&list=hide&searchUri=%2Faction%2FdoAdvancedSearch%3Fq0%3Dmusic%2Beducation%26f0%3Dall%26c0%3DAND%26q1%3Deffects%2Bon%2Bstudents%26f1%3Dall%26c1%3DAND%26q2%3Dbudget%2Bcuts%26f2%3Dall%26c2%3DAND%26q3%3D%26f3%3Dall%26wc%3Don%26Search%3DSearch%26sd%3D%26ed%3D%26la%3D%26jo%3D&item=1&ttl=541&returnArticleService=showArticle
In this article, the author, June Hinckley, is arguing for the benefits of music education in urban public schools. She begins with an appeal to pathos to describe the urban setting, a place “where hope has become little more than a word and where neglect, indifference, decay, and even hatred… are such daily realities that some might consider them to be a part of a normal existence.” Right from the first paragraph the reader is engaged with the argument and feels an intense sympathy for the students. Hinckley argues that music education can bridge the gap between the harsh urban realm and the traditional, loving home.
The article contains several appeals to ethos to give the argument credibility. Michael Green, the president of the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, Inc., was cited to have said that the youth felt great anger due to being denied access to music in schools, a privilege that older generations had admittance to. The New York Times published an article in 1993 which described positive effects of music on students including one classroom where all of the students collectively wrote their own lyrics to a popular song. This created a connection between a student’s life in school and life out of school which is vital to a student’s growth in education. A study called The Role of the Fine and Performing Arts in High School Dropout Prevention defended the side that competition and high expectations in the classroom will encourage students to achieve far more. There is also a positive correlation with the morale of teachers, engagement of the community in school affairs, and self-esteem and attendance of students. Patronizing students and “dumbing down” work will have the opposite effects.
June Hinckley used the system of stasis theory as well. Urban schools are generally problematic with statistically lower test scores and graduation rates. This has been attributed to many factors but the author strongly argues that the decay of urban schools is primarily caused by a lack of family and community involvement in schools. Music education has the potential to change this trend by creating a connection between school and home life. It is vital that some form of action be taken to pursue a betterment of urban schools for the sake of the youth. This begins with the teachers. The curriculum must be geared to engage the students in the material on a personal level. When a student chooses to study music, usually the underlying desire is to someday compose and perform their own music. Teachers should teach the skills to make this possible and encourage development in this area. This will cause a strong tie from home to school. The curriculum is primarily dictated by the school board while the teachers retain some artistic license in interpreting it.
The author effectively makes her argument for strong music programs in urban schools by clearly following the stasis theory. In addition, she gains the audience’s sympathy through pathos and credibility through ethos.

Touch of Grey

It was inevitable for this to happen and yet somehow I didn't believe it could happen to me. I am sick. Living in such close quarters with no place to hide, no way to isolate yourself, sickness spreads unbelievably fast in a dorm. My friend has a sinus infection , my roommate has a permanent cough, innumerable people have colds. I held out for a pretty long time, I guess I thought that my immune system was pretty strong but it couldn't stand up against the lack of sleep and poor diet. I didn't even feel that bad until a few hours ago but as soon as it came on, I grabbed medicine and tea as fast as possible. Maybe it has something to do with the changingweather. It would be miserable to be sick right now. The worst part about it is even though I am incredibly tired right now, I can't sleep. My roommate has a friend from home here and they are watching a movie. I'd rather not ruin their good time so I guess I'm kind of just attempting to rest by doing homework in bed.
Today was an incredibly easy day. Since english was cancelled, I scheduled an appointment with my academic advisor to go over my four year plan. The meeting went well, though I'm not any closer to realizing where I want to be in four years. After that I went to the library to write an essay for women's studies which took a few hours. Math was cancelled today too so I didn't have any class today. I was able to get ahead in my work for a lot of classes which relieves a good amount of stress. So at least that's one less worry.

Subterranean Homesick Blues

After almost a month and a half away, I am finally home. I'm sitting in my room right now and it's still so hard to believe that I ever left. The beginning of my college career feels like a dream. What if it was? Though, I guess I wouldn't be blogging for an english assignment then. I honestly missed home so much while I was away but I didn't want to miss anything at school so I wasn't willing to leave for a weekend. But this weekend is family weekend so a lot of people are going home so it was a convenient time to go home. Plus, my cousin's wedding is Sunday so I guess I didn't really have a choice. I definitely needed a break from all of the distractions and drama and work. Truthfully, I missed my room, my bed, my kitchen, my stuff and most importantly my parents. That was the longest that I have ever been away and, though I had a lot of fun, it's good to be home. I had to wake up pretty early this morning so that we could get back in time for a doctor's appointment. My sister has a car on campus so she drove me, my brother, and my friend, Alex, home. I think everyone had gone to bed sometime after 4 the night before so, needless to say, it was a rough drive for all of us.
After a greeting with my mom, the first thing that I did was look for food. Isn't that sad? It makes me seem as if I was emaciated for a month...far from it...but there just is comfort in food from home. Everyone is probably tired of hearing me talk about how much I miss my dad's cooking. He always adds extra spice and flavor to his cooking which is such a sharp contrast from the diner's bland monotony. I talked with my mom for a long time and then the sleep deprivation arose... I took a three hour nap in the middle of the day. But no joke, it was the most restless sleep I have ever had. I missed my bed so much when I was at school. The sleep was needed for sure, it's hard to survive on an average of 6 hours of sleep every night (and only 4 hours of sleep the night before). For dinner, my family went to our favorite Chinese restaurant where I ate to my heart's content. I definitely got my fair share of spicy food! I intend on going to bed early...but after being used to never going to bed until well after midnight, I don't know how well that plan will work out.

Hey Jude

"Hey Jude don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better, remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better..." I went to Santa Fe last night to see the Beatles cover band, The Mahoney Brothers. It was a great night. I went with my two friends and I knew a few guys that were going. The opening bands were decently good but the Beatles cover band was really good, it almost sounded pre-recorded. The band members looked like they were in their late 50s which was kind of eerie but it didn't detract from the sound. They changed after a set of songs to depict the outfits for the era of songs which really added to the mood. My sister and her friends came too which made the night interesting. I ended up dancing the whole night and overall just having a really good time. If I had to rank all of my music from favorite to least favorite, the Beatles would most definitely be near the very top. On itunes I literally have every song and the play count is outrageously high. No matter what kind of day I am having, I can find a Beatles song to capture my mood and emotions. Maybe it might sound cliche to be enthralled with a band which is so timeless and so well-known but I was brought up with the Beatles not merely as a favorite music group but as a philosophy, a way of life. Pretty intense. So when I found out that a Beatles cover band was going to be playing at Santa Fe, there wasn't going to be anything to stop me from going, not even my resolution to not spend money this week. Tickets were $15 but well worth every cent. What contributed the most to the overall awesomeness of the night was that I was with my friends. I get along really well with a good amount of people on my floor and have become very close with them. My friends that were there last night were ones that I always have fun with. Throughout the night we weren't always together but we ran into each other in passing. At the end of the night, when the band was wrapping up their set and most people had left, my group all found each other. The very last song: Hey Jude. It was all of us, up by the stage, belting out every word and dancing to the feeling of the music, especially to the chorus... "na na na nanananaaaa, nanananaaa hey jude!". This probably sounds over emotional but I took myself out of the moment just for a second and realized how lucky I was to be where I was. Not that I was in a run down College Park bar with a drug bust occurring outside at the same time, but that I was having a great time with great people. In a way the song was a manifestation of our camaraderie, all that we have been through so far at school and all that is to come. On the bus on the way home we couldn't help but belt out the chorus one more time, starting quietly and then building up strength as everyone joined in... yea we were those people.

Rhetorical Journal Assignment

My rhetorical journal is in response to the Geico commercial with Peter Frampton. The audience for this advertisement is all those who would be seeking car insurance. From talking geckos to slogans like “so easy a caveman can do it,” Geico is known for using humor and wit to grab the audience’s attention. The company succeeds with this strategy in this commercial as well.
In this style of commercials, the ad features a popular celebrity that the audience would look up to or appreciate. For this particular commercial, Peter Frampton’s celebrity status contrasts with the every-day normality of the woman. When she narrates the story it is straight-forward and uninspired but Peter Frampton tells it in his unique, signature way: through. The difference between the two is entertaining and grabs the audience’s attention. In addition, the commercial shows a celebrity endorsing Geico’s services which would be enough to convince some to do the same. This strategy is using the rhetorical appeal of pathos because it is appealing to the emotions of the reader. It evokes a feeling of amazement and awe as well as humor to see him in the commercial. The audience would find Peter Frampton, a famous guitarist from the 1970s, to be cool and entertaining. In a certain sense, they probably wouldn’t mind having him sit in their homes and tell of their own experiences with Geico.
The advertisement is giving an example of how Geico can positively affect one’s life and how any consumer can use it because it is so easy. Geico came to the rescue when everything was going wrong for this woman and they can do the same for everyone. The woman’s testimony is considered use of the ethos appeal. Viewers in the audience will believe that Geico is a good company because she, an ordinary consumer like them, is endorsing it. She is a credible source.
Geico’s commercial with Peter Frampton is an effective use of rhetorical strategies. To a certain degree, however, I almost lose sight of what the commercial is trying to sell. Geico has become so synonymous with car insurance that the main focus of the ads is entertainment instead of more direct attempts to sell their services through logos. Still, the commercial remains successful in its goal to grab the audience’s attention and sell its product.

Radio Cure

Rough day? No, rough week. For some reason I just now finally realized that I am putting way too much emphasis on the social aspects of college life. Monday was the Ravens game, the RA went home for the night, everyone went crazy. Tuesday I was determined to start studying for government but got distracted by my two best friends here who were celebrating a good grade on a chem lab. Wednesday I think I was expecting something to happen, but nothing ever really did. I couldn't sleep at all last night. There were just way too many distractions. When I finally went to my room around 2ish, I played my guitar for awhile and then was lying on my bed for a good amount of time, completely lost in thought. I was not tired at all. Maybe it was all of the sugar that I had that night (my friend made apple crisp) or maybe it was that I was listening to the guy who lives next door to me who was playing his keyboard. Regardless, sleep was not happening. Maybe at like 3 I heard a knock on my door and talking in the hall. It was three of my guy friends from my hall. I'm not even really sure why they came by but we talked in the hall for an hour, eating the powdered hot chocolate packages and being obnoxiously loud for the time that it was. So today, for obvious reasons, was a lazy sweatpants and sweatshirt kind of day because there was no way that I was awake enough to put thought into an outfit. The day was going fine, I got a lot of work done, but my government discussion changed my mood. I found out that I have to write an 8-10 page essay about a pretty confusing, ambiguous topic. Sweet. Because I didn't have enough to do before.
I have a government exam tuesday, another reason for my stress, so I'm going to go study with a friend in a little bit. I also have to figure out a good time to go to a museum in DC for womens studies this weekend. I'm thinking that I may go home this weekend, at least for saturday night. I really just need a place to go without any distractions, a place where I can turn my cell phone off without feeling disconnected, a place where people don't come to visit at 3 in the morning. I just need a day to get my head together and then I should be fine. But for now, Pandora radio is my cure.

I got you, babe

I hope that I am a person that people can rely on. I would much rather listen to someone spill their heart out than spill out my own. I consider myself quiet, introspective. In my opinion, why would I break the natural sound of silence with rambling nonsense? However, I enjoy listening to others, observing others. My roommate just told me something troubling her mind and I sat there and took it all in. I tried to give her sound advice, but I mainly was there to just comfort. There's a deep connection, a bond, through these interactions. Am I just the type of person that is asking to be told everything on someone's mind? Maybe. Maybe I just appreciate it when it happens. Personally, I feel more comfortable writing down my thoughts. Could this be because I don't trust people with my thoughts? But I want them to trust me with theirs. Ironic.

Have you ever seen the rain

My best friend, Amanda, came to visit me friday. She goes to school in New Hampshire but came back home for a weekend to visit. My other two best friends were supposed to come but something came up and they couldn't get a ride down. I'm not terribly surprised. Anyway, Amanda and I have been friends since 6th grade and honestly have been through our share of highs and low but still she has always been there for me. I missed her a lot so it was really good to see her. We pretty much just hung out together all night, catching up on each other's lives, eating ice cream and brownies. It was one of those nasty, rainy nights. Honestly, I had no motivation to get all dressed up and go out in the rain to get soaked out so we stayed in and hung out with my friends from the floor. The next day, my sister picked us up to go get bagels for breakfast. Amanda had to leave by 12 because she wanted to visit other friends at Towson University. It was really good to see her, I mean we talk on the phone almost every day but it's just not the same.
Last night I went to Santa Fe to see a Red Hot Chili Peppers cover band. I went with probably about 20 people from my floor. It was insane trying to get us all on the same bus. It was a lot of fun. However, I definitely feel like I wasted this day recovering from staying up late last night. i still have some work to do but I don't know how much of it will actually get done. Ohhh the life of a college student.

Tuesdays Gone With The Wind

My best friend is coming to visit this weekend! She goes to New Hampshire but her fall break is this weekend so she's going to come see me for a few days. I have to say that I am pretty excited.
Tuesdays are definitely my worst day. I have an hour and a half of womens studies at 9:30 and an hour and fifteen minutes of government right after that...the morning is very long. Then I have UNIV later that evening which, to be honest, is incredibly dull and just a little bit pointless. I really shouldn't be complaining, I have a huge break in the middle of the day to do work and eat but I'm so relaxed by that point that I do not at all feel like going back out into campus for another class. Everyone is returning to the dorms when I have to grab my books and walk in the other direction. But I'm sure that I can deal with it. It's not like it's a hard class or anything.
It's funny, I never thought that this would happen but I have to call my mom every day, whether our conversation lasts one, twenty, or sixty minutes. I may be one of the only ones around that does that. I've just always been so close to my mom that I can't imagine not being able to talk to her every day.
Something made me really pretty mad today, and maybe just a little disappointed in society. Some guys on my floor are organizing a football game and I was with them when they were discussing it. They didn't bother to ask me if I wanted to play and when I mentioned it they said that I could always be the cheerleader... who ever said that gender stereotypes were dead was surely mistaken. Then one of the guys keeps asking to play me in basketball, one-on-one, to settle whether or not girls can play sports as well as guys.... right. As if one game can settle such an odd question that really should never have been asked in the first place. And really, wouldn't that only settle the better player of the two individuals?

Something

I feel like I have been immersed in government reading all day. I probably read over 40 pages of dense text and every moment I was distracted by something or other. Struggling to stay interested in Locke and Liberalism, I realized that maybe I should really start to rethink my direction. I don't mind government but I obviously do not love it. Why is it my major? There must be something out there that I wouldn't mind doing for the rest of my life. It's just so final. What if I change my mind? Actually no matter what I decide on within the next four years, I'm sure that I will change my mind at some point. When I talk to people and they know exactly what they want to do for a job I feel slightly jealous. I can't be like that, I can't stick to a plan. How can someone be so sure about something? Are there never any doubts?

The Song Remains The Same

So it is Sunday, almost 7. Where did the day go? This is what happens when you stay up late, sleep late, and still feel tired the next day. Everything that I was planning on doing today has still yet to be accomplished. My stress is not relieved by the weekend. I'm pretty sure that I never procrastinated this much when I was in high school. I was one of those kids who would do their homework as soon as they got home from school. I was never a victim of the infamous all-nighters to finish a paper. I mean obviously I still have a good number of hours tonight to do my work but still, I would feel better if I was finished with it all right now. Ahhh, the life of a college freshman. I think that it's going to take more time to adjust than I could have imagined.
Last night I went to a concert with cover bands for Nirvana and Pearl Jam. The music was great and I was up by the stage the whole night. I went with a group of people from my building. I still have a ringing in my ears from the loud speakers but no complaints, I had a great time.
The football game yesterday was amazing. My parents were tailgating before so I stopped by there to pick up some food and then got to the stadum in time to get first row seats. Amazing. There is no better way to watch a football game than from the front row.

Narrative

I was a member of Saving the Music club at my high school and was an officer, it was one of teh only clubs that I was really passionate about. The goal of this club is to raise money to buy instruments for inner-city schools which lack the funding for a music program. Three times a year we organize concerts to raise this money. In the fall and spring we have Open-Mic Nights. A good amount of people volunteer to play for a crowd of students and parents and we charged $5 per person. I always performed...sometimes with my brother, sometimes with my best friend, and one time by myself (by far the most nerve-racking). The concerts demonstrated the influence that music had on each student's life. Music was and still is Life. There was nothing more rewarding than being involved in providing this same feeling for other students who were previously deprived of music.

Sitting Here Watching the Wheels Go Round

Why can't everyday be this beautiful? 80 degrees, sunny, the bluest sky, whitest clouds. I was planning on getting some of my work done now between classes, and to some degree I did, but I've found myself incredibly distracted. The trees that surround me are a magnificent green and the breeze is incredibly pleasant. These are the ideal conditions for my mind to wander and I can't really say that I'm resisting it. So I'm just sitting here watching the world go by.
I feel as if I have a lot of work to do this weekend but in comparison to others, it probably isn't too bad. I have a Cultural Artifact presentation due thursday for Women's Studies. It took me forever to think of a good artifact and in the end I chose a song written by and for RAWA. It's an organization and a culture that I know very little about so I'm excited to be enlightened. I also should start working on my english paper... that's important. Other than those two big things, I'm sure that I will have a good amount of reading for all of my classes, especially Government.
I have a group project due tuesday for UNIV101 and we are meeting today. Honestly, I really do not like group work because no matter what, the work is never distributed equally and it's hard to get someone to step up to lead and delegate. This project isn't really all that difficult so I'm sure that it will be ok though.

Gravity is Working Against Me

My elbow hurts right now. I slipped, completely wiping out, and landed right on it. Pretty graceful. Honestly, I feel no shame, it wasn't really my fault. It was either going to be me or the next person who walked through the puddle in the hall.
Life is really pretty funny. This group that I have been hanging out with is such an interesting mixture of people from all sorts of places, all sorts of backgrounds. Would I have been friends with them if we were all in the same high school? I don't know. It's also weird what a short time that we have known each other...yet I feel like I have known them forever. These past three weeks are the beginning of a whole new era, I hardly even remember life before this. The only outlet that I have to the past, to home, is my parents. Without contact with them, I truly would have a new life. Honestly, I have no desire to keep many ties to my home town. I just have such a strong motivation to move on. If given the chance there is no way that I would go back to high school... don't get me wrong, there were a lot of good times but there were definitely some bad.
I'm debating whether or not to audition for a singing group. The auditions are tomorrow. I hate feeling unprepared....I can't think of the perfect song to sing, I don't have any time to practice. I should do it... but I don't know if I can. I know that if someone doesn't push me to do something than it is very unlikely that I will do it. Unfortunately there is no one around to push me here so I'm going to have to motivate myself...

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

After getting five hours of sleep per night (sometimes less) for three weeks, I am officially tired. I am just at the point where I need a power nap in the middle of the day or an extra cup of coffee in the morning. It's rough and yet I can't change my routine. Somehow I still find the energy to finish all of my my homework pretty early, play my guitar, and go to the gym.
I was playing my guitar, one of my favorite songs, 'Babe I'm Gonna Leave You' by Led Zeppelin when I got a call from my mom. So I stepped into the hall to talk and I heard that song playing down the hall on the boy's side. This was just too weird of coincidence so I had to go check it out. Sure enough it was the guy from the room closest to mine. Apparently we have telepathy...or maybe he just heard me, or we just have the same great taste in music. Anyway so I brought my guitar over and we jammed for a long time. My brother called and he came over to play too. It was pretty chill. I was clearly the amateur of the group but it was a lot of fun. So I'm hoping that with all of my free time, because my classes really aren't that much work, I will have a lot of time to play guitar and get really good. What a modest goal.
Today I went to a meeting for an extreme sports club: rock climbing, kayaking, caving, mountain biking, and s'mores!!! I've never really been exposed to any extreme sports but I went to the meeting anyway just to check it out. It seems pretty cool but I would be a true beginner so we'll see how I do.
So right now I'm just sitting in my room with Jen, Rachel, and Teressa, just doing homework and listening to music. I could probably fall asleep right now but I can't.

Follow Through

I climbed the rock wall on thursday! I had never done it before but really wanted to. A bunch of people that I know went too. It was really fun, really challenging, and I would definitely do it again. This weekend was pretty good. My roommate went to visit her boyfriend in Manassas so I had the whole room to myself which was a good and a bad thing. I missed having her around but sometimes it's good just to have your own space. I went to a frat party friday night and met up with two of my best friends from high school there. They come down to College Park pretty much every weekend which is insane but it's good to have them around. Actually I think that this was the last weekend that they are coming down for awhile. I got to talk to my best friend, Amanda, Friday which was really good. I needed to seriously catch up with her. It is really hard to keep in touch but I'm sure that somehow we will find a way. She's coming home in October for a fall break so she should be coming to College Park to visit. Yesterday was the football game against Cal. which was really fun! We went to tailgate beforehand and got food from my parents and then we went to the game very early so that we could get close seats. Second Row seats, the closest I have ever been for any game. I love the spirit of the fans at this school, how they get so into the game and the team. There's nothing better.

Nothing's Gonna Change My World

Yesterday was a good day. My math quiz was relatively easy so I'm hoping for an 'A.' I got all of my homework done during my 3 hour break between english and math which left the rest of the night just to chill. For some reason I really have not had that much work to do this week but I can almost guarantee that that will change by next week. I'm eager to fill up some of my free time with a few clubs...First Look Fair is next week! Anyway so last night I brought my guitar into the lounge to play. A lot of people came in to hang out, which was unusual for my floor because most people will only go in there to study... but then again, there was cake in the lounge so that could have had something to do with it. Anyway, we pretty much just had a mini jam session and passed my guitar around to all those who could play. After that I played Rock Band with some guys on my floor for a few hours. I usually don't like to play video games but I feel like that one is ok since it technically is social. I ended up meeting a good amount of people from the building. I had to be the singer, as I was the only one who could stay on pitch, so I think I'm losing my voice from rocking out all night. It was definitely worth it though, I had a lot of fun!

The Sound of Settling

It’s been one week since I have started college and so far I absolutely love it. I have complete freedom that I have never experienced before, but, of course, I know not to abuse it. I just really like only being in class for a few hours and then having the rest of the day to do homework or whatever I want. I really like my classes a lot. My Women’s Studies class already has broadened my view on society and society’s accepted norms.
Socially, college has been a lot of fun! The people on my floor are really nice and really down to earth. I get along great with my roommate and I have gotten close with a lot of people. I see my brother and sister more here than I did at home. Robbie lives in LaPlata so I see him at the diner a lot. I played on a soccer team with Alexis and people that she works with at the gym. It was a lot of fun even though I haven’t played in forever so I could use some practice. I do not think that I have left my building without seeing someone from my high school. I’m trying not to rely on high school people to hang out with so I can focus on meeting new people. So far I have been good with this. But, it is nice to see familiar faces sometimes when I am out.
So yes, University of Maryland has met my expectations and I truly am having a great time!

This Bird Has Flown

The night before move in, I was lying in my bed at home, attempting to fall asleep. It wasn't really working out. My mind was racing as I went through every "what if..." imaginable, trying to picture how much my life would change once I began college. Whenever I over-analyze anything, I am guaranteed to start convincing myself that only the worst is possible. I put my radio on to try to change my thoughts, to slow my mind, to rest. After a few songs, I was getting ready to give up on the idea of sleep and just find something else to do until dawn when a song came on that changed my mood completely. It was 'Norwegian Wood' by the Beatles. Alright, so I know that this song is basically about this girl that one of the Beatles was dating and her furniture of norwegian wood, which was popular furniture at the time. There, of course, is a story behind this, he ends up sleeping in a bath and burning the furniture. The point is that there is this one line in the song that goes "This bird has flown." It gave me comfort at that time. I realized that embarking on this journey, beginning college, is bringing me one step closer to where I am meant to be. I do not know my landing point but the important thing is that I have flown, I have left my known world to find another.
It was over a week ago since that night and I still feel the same. I even learned the song on my guitar today and now I can't get it out of my head. It has become a mantra of sorts for me. It's funny what will inspire a person.

Mines A Tale That Can Be Told

To be honest, I have very mixed emotions about this blog assignment. I mean, posting my thoughts for the whole class to see in a way makes me kind of nervous. However, I totally plan to embrace this experience and work it to its fullest.

I am from the Baltimore, Maryland area though I technically reside in the little known town of Jacksonville. I love where I live. Being surrounded by rolling hills and dense forests is truly inspiring but it is far from convenient. It’s one of those locations where you have to get in your car and drive 15 minutes to get to any form of civilization. I went to Dulaney High School, known for its competitive sports teams and challenging AP classes. I tried to be very involved in my school while also taking a lot of AP courses. I am not a math person in the least bit. My focus is aimed towards liberal arts. At the time I was filling out my application for UMD I guess I was in a very Government mood for I ended up picking Government and Politics for my major. Honestly, not a whole lot of thought went into my decision and I completely forgot about it until Orientation when I was placed in that group. I do like Government but I’m not sure if it’s what I want. I’m hoping to double-major. Maybe Anthropology, Latin, History? We shall see. As far as I am concerned, I am utterly undecided for my major until further notice.

I feel that I am pretty prepared for this writing course. In high school, I had a few great English teachers; some, not so good. I took AP English Writing and Literature and did really well. Writing should be enjoyed, an idea instilled upon me by my mother, one of the most liberal-arts minded people I know. I do enjoy writing. I keep a regular journal for all of my thoughts and I am an aspiring songwriter, something that gives me the most satisfaction as a form of writing. When I write a paper, I usually follow all of the proper steps. The longest stage for me is most definitely the brainstorming, not because it is the hardest but because it is my favorite. Why not spend the most time on it? My mind goes wild with ideas to attack the question, or inquiry. It’s most important to make sure that the writer’s voice is present to represent the point of view.

The most challenging paper that I have had to write has to be my UMD application essay. I do not think that I have ever put so much thought into anything. It was not just a paper to impress a committee, it was a declaration of who I was at the time and still am now. I wrote about my connection to Henry David Thoreau after reading ‘Walden’ and how it changed my perspective on life. It was deep, maybe too deep to share.

In other writing courses I learned of the importance of rhetoric to convey a message to the audience. I am not going to pretend that I am an expert. There are gaps in my understanding of writing and I am eager to fill them through this course.

I would consider myself a decent writer. I mean, I can’t just turn out an essay in an hour or two, it takes me a good deal longer. The thoughtful ideas that I bring to my writing is my strength. I think through everything thoroughly, analyzing every word. Maybe that’s one of my weaknesses; sometimes I have a hard time just letting the words flow, letting them be artistic in and of themselves.

I can write a great introduction when I’m in my mode. But, by the time that I get to the conclusion sometimes I lose it a little bit. A strong paper should have a strong conclusion as well.

This idea that I can pretty much write about anything I want, within reason, for this research project feels liberating. How will I handle this power of choice? It’s going to take a lot of thought to be able to pick just one area of focus. Maybe I’m thinking of music: the necessity of music classes in school, how music affects the mind, etc. Maybe I could focus on social patterns in a college atmosphere. I just do not know yet.

When I think of argument I think of forming a case to defend a position on an issue. I think of lawyers, the great orators, and how they use evidence and rhetoric to prove their side. I think of politicians and how they can swing the vote in their favor by a convincing argument. I think of using the principles of argumentation to persuade my parents to let me stay out later. Argumentation in everywhere and learning how to use the principles is an effective form of writing. No doubt that the information learned in this class will be useful in all other classes while in college as well as essential in life.